..yadda yadda. It's amazing how it ended up as me sending him to glory. It made me stop myself because I had sense. I was interested in how it would play out, because I was never the object of anyone's sexual desire. There I was, being invited to satisfy some guy's strange ass kink. Bless his soul, he just saw a young girl and wanted to have a good time. My hang-ups and shyness made me delete the message, always wondering about it in the back of my mind. What would have happened if I gave in, put on my little Lane Bryant thong, did my stretches, and found myself at his door and on his back? Would I still be the same person? Would I be deeper into kink, and not just a curious bystander who dips a toe or two every now and then?I don't consider myself to be dominant. A very well-known test labels me as a Switch, but for the most part, it depends on my partner. I like men who take a certain amount of control and know what they're doing. When I'm lead, I follow with the utmost respect for. That it can’t be any other way. It has to be this way and this way only. I try to explain it to myself. I try to understand it. I try to make peace with it. I try to convince my heart that the ache, the pain, the emptiness will go away. That there will be a ‘someone’ for me, a ‘someday’ for me. That there is the possibility, however remote, of a new beginning, a new start for my failed life. Each day I try. Each day I hope. I hope you are well. I hope you are OK. I hope that I am at least a passing thought in your day to day life now. I hope you remember the things we talked about. I hope that someday we can still be friends. Each day I think. Each day I cry. I cry for the love I had to give up. I cry for the longing I have in my heart. I cry for the future that holds no joy for me. I cry and I wonder how I can go on feeling this way, lost and alone. I cry, with the knowing that I am lost, confused and alone. Each day I cry. Each day I worry. I worry that I can and will not make it..
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